In The Doldrums And Cowardice

Today has been quite an uneventful day. Woke up bright and early and came to school in a rather sprightly mood before the science results totally squashed the shit out of me. I got 31.5 out of 50 which is like a B4. Now that I'd mentioned it, I just realised that I fall below the MSG of B3. Maybe I shouldn't have spent days preparing for Science if I were to know this downfall is coming. Anyway, I felt damn fucked up throughout the day. Tried very hard to suppress this sadness within me. Really, what more can I do besides living with it? After break, things got a little better but still I was overwhelmed with morose feels. Damn. Chinese results were okay, I managed a 38 over 50. One mark above the A1 benchmark.

The real blow of the day was during the Maths Test which was during the last period of the day. Did the paper without much difficulties. After finishing, I got down to checking my work and begin scribbling below the graph paper double-checking my statements, etc. I think I somehow made a mistake in my checking and thought that the workings I have written for a particular question were wrong. Corrected it and midway through I discovered that my previous answers were the right ones. Then time's out and the question's all screwed badly. And the whole day was as glum...

Immmediately after reaching home, I headed into the bedroom and sprawled onto the bed. Sensation was downright loathsome. I really hate everything. Why does all go wrong at the end of the week and when one of the most weighty subs has ended? Come to think of it, if all goes well, then I would be celebrating and enjoying the weekends ahead. BUT THIS DAMNABLE THING, OF ALL TIMES, HAPPENED. Just what the hell did I do to find myself in such a situation?!!!!! The Maths paper riled my anger up badly. I should have confidence in my answers in the first place instead of casting doubts on them. Once, my brother told me to hold faith in my own doings and not worry about things too much. But I guess, I overlooked this advice.

Then during the evening, when my aunt was sitting beside me in the living room sofa, she asked me why my eyes looked swollen as though they are puffing up. I just awoke from my sleep and having to tell her about the science results dampened my spirits real much, especially just RIGHT AFTER I ESCAPED FROM THE PAINS BY SLEEPING! Told her about the science results and she thought that it would be better to let things be the way they are. One interesting thing during the conversation was that my aunt drew a comparison between sis and me. Okay, of course, sis copes better with bad stuffs that happen to her cuz she knows what matters to her and what doesnt. I don't wanna talk too much about this cuz it sounds stupid and the rest of the post above already seems so.

lets hope the grey clouds will dissipate soon. Many a time I'd wanted to ask, but every now and then, I just brushed things aside, all craven.