As abrupt as I arrived for the meeting, I departed in the same manner. That's right, I left, as a matter-of-fact, midway through. My sudden departure must have helped risen the blood pressure of the rest of my mates. It startled me as well. I went off with a cloud of uncertainty looming inside me. Ill-mannered, disrespectful, brash, curt, irreponsible. Go ahead and throw all the words at me. I do deserve it, thats how I feel. When I got away in a huff, I was actually wondering what the heck I have done. The problem surely doesn't lie with my confidence or self-esteem. I'm not sure what it is. Cuz my confidence level hangs in the mid-range category. Frankly speaking, I wasn't a kid who can impress upon anyone when I was young. But as I grow older, I slowly begun to erect in me a castle confidence. Enough to tide me through now and the rest of my life. So the battle with confidence is over many many years back. Which means the real bugbear is my attitude which includes temper. Not that I see no wrong in what I did but given a second chance I would still have stormed off. With my last sentence being,'Next Meeting'. - which simply means see you all next time, it seems to mirror the image of someone who blatantly defies everyone's orders. Everytime I go for such meetings I told myself that I would do better today, improve on myself and all. But the resultant product is always the same as before, damn, I want to arrest the problem as soon as possible but how to when I fucking don't understand where I went wrong. I'm so stuck-up at such times that I don't even feel like making some small talk with anyone at all. Perhaps thats the real problem : stuck-up.

There are ample chances for me to prove to myself that I have changed but I always fail to cherish them, to tell the world that I'm constantly making invisible efforts which they don't happen to see. But I'm forever trying and not reaching my goal. Why can't everyone see that I'm putting every effort to change?

Hey, somehow I feel so much better right now, it has been nearly 2 hours since. Hahahaha. Anyway, I'm just glad none of my friends were present where I was today. It's just a passing surge of frustration. But no, I'm not gonna prove myself to the same people again. No way.

Byes.