teachers' day. i saw my brother in school today. but didnt walk up to greet him or make any eye contact. i guess he did not see me. was supposed to usher the teacher today. before the ceremony unfolded, me and the chairmans from 1eb, 1eb, 1ed and 1ee were busy discussing about the ushering of teachers to their respective seats. lol. no comments.

after that headed to former school with kenneth. amelia has gone before us. but still we couldnt make it as all the teachers had left. next we shopped or loitered around heartland mall. dont wanna elaborate.

thats all.

for some reason or other i feel kinda aimless nowadays...

sat for the EL oral exam today. the conversation topic was on a selfish act that i have committed. lol. cheryl and galvin were all the way "disturbing" me. shit. if i didnt manage to achieve remarkable results, the two had better watch out. i gonna castray them.

basically lessons come to an "abrupt" stop due to the distribution of result slips. at 1.35pm, headed down to the cafeteria and chatted a bit. was supposed to report for the oral at 1.50pm. we fooled around in class for a while till the invigilator or examiner came. in the meanwhile me, swati and sagethya set off to working on the teachers' day cards. and yea, i bought a small token of souvenir for teacher.

my turn came between 3.20-3.40pm. the oral ended around 3.45. then headed home.

thats all.

my quote of the day : sometimes all the nights can be so long.

sometimes i wonder why my brother cares so much. not saying hes intervening or whatsoever but just that i feel that i'm the one whos leading my life. anyway to start it off, i was telling my aunt about this red cross workshop to be held on 6 september from 830am-5pm. so i loudly declared that i wasnt gonna be present for this event. although my brother was having his dinner he somehow or rather overheard it and urged me to go.

he said it was solely for my own good and as the years come i would learn all those important lifeskills that normal members in the red cross would not have a chance to learn about. though they would as they advance in the years. so he just kept talkin and talking all the while hoping to knock some sense out of me.

then he says something about wanting me to make a difference in others and not relying on others to have an impact on me. goddammit. maybe one fine day i would be able to make a difference in others? hahas.

lol. i really dont feel like caring about all these stuffies but he seems to want to make me CARE about them.and here i am, trying real hard to pretend as if nothing had happened, that i hadnt even joined red cross.

hahs. i'll take the steps as each day goes by. thats the least and most i can do.

i want him to continue nagging at me but at the same time i also want him to stop. lols. at least i know he still cares when he nags.

yawns. i just got driven out of the bedroom by my sister. i was drifting off to sleep when she made her "unwanted" appearance and chased me out of my bed. guess i'll have to make do with sleeping in the living room tonight. for now all i wanna do is to read "killing time".

its a real good read. about a girl being raped, those investigations and stuff. tomorrow's oral exam. i'm kinda mentally prepared. ok. till here then.

'back to reading. byes.

guess what. i went shopping for a SOCCER BALL today!!! YEAPS!! finally. my very own soccer ball. i've been yielding for one a few months back. i'm loving soccer more and more. mum says that its only a short phenonmenon. that shes used to me being impetuous and stuff. she even BET that the soccer fever will die down soon enough for me. i went to ebay singapore in the late morning and found out that theres the FIFA WORLD CUP 2006 edition for bid. it costs $300+... god. the ball's dead nice. i hope to have it. but goddammit, a ball, after all, is KICKED and PASSED around like SHIT?? and we pay $300+ for a pile of DUNG?? hahas. maybe those bidders who have been eyeing this ball just wanna keep it as a momento. lol. anyway, at 4.40pm headed downstairs to play soccer with my cousins. we stopped an hour later. gotta study later on... for now, i'm meeting my aunt for a night of dining with her. BYES...

i love soccer forever...
i love studying forever...
i'm a "born-musician" forever...
JKJK. hahahs.

When the Mission seems Impossible

When the worst comes
Take everything in your Stride
When the tide rises
It shows you're standing
Tall on your Pride.

When the night falls
Look up the skies
And count the stars
When dawn arrives
It means the start
Of a new life

When the ocean lies
On the piece of sea
In a calm and peaceful manner
Bundle up your worries
And fears
And dump it down the bottom
Of the sea

When you see a glimmer
Of hope
You know well that
You would be
Revived.

DONE! i created a NEW poem!!!! YAHoO!!! heh.

today : as expected, i skipped redcross practice. headed home instead. got back geography result. i got 31.

thats all.

byes.

= (

here are the grades i have attained for my respective subjects.

English - 75/100
HMT - 70/100
Math - 33/40
Science - 46/50
History - 37/40
Literature - 72.5/100
Art - 50.9/100

geography results have yet to be released. i guess it will be revealed tomorrow.
thats all. byes.

red cross flag day today. woke up at 6.10am, did some washing up and set off. i met cheryl near hougang point then boarded 159 to nan chiau high school. the donation drive ended at 1pm

in the late noon i went to a park near pasir ris, the one near escape theme park to bike with cheryl, amelia, melissa, weixin, marven, kenneth, angsiang and galvin.

thats all. byes.

RE: cheryl, you should thank me for the additional 6 hours to your CIP hours. hah. =)

sat for math test today. on the whole outlook it has its own level of difficulty and of course some questions that were easy to tackle. i cant assume with certainty its an easy paper nor a tough one till i got my results. haha. thats needless to say cuz i dont want to count the chicken before it hatches. lol.

then english language paper 2 was released too. i got 33 marks. thats ok. i dont feel anything towards that but it would be better if i were to get 35 and above. hah, i'm asking for too much. but i guess its not too bad a thing to wish for better grades.

then headed to hougang mall after school. bought the gelare waffle ice cream. it was heavenly!!! woohooss!! i love it man. it costs $5.90 for 2 scoops of ice cream of your choice and a waffle-biscuit. topped with a cherry and some cream on top. will hope to eat it again some time.

thats all for today. byes. =|

history test today. was the usual. paper's difficulty level was alright. was supposed to have received my HMT result today but be'cuz of some hongkong test, i was not able to make it to lesson and therefore, my result was unknown.

the hongkong test ended some time around 1.35pm then proceeded to science lab for some revision. followed which stayed in school to complete lit project. we wrapped up around 4pm. then headed back home. bought newspaper. boarded 74 and walked a bit. then i'm back to cosy home.

showered and told my aunt a little bit about today's happenings and here i am. gotta read the papers then study for tomorrow's science paper.

some of us have planned to let our hair down for the weekend either by biking or catching a movie in town. cant wait for exam phenonmenon to die down.

just did another round of revision for my geography test tomorrow. and yeaps, i have something i wanna buy now. its a a new, latest edition Puma watch. its black and orange coated in colour. nice blending. costs $136. i kept pestering my aunt to buy for me the whole noon. but she just dont seem to relent. its damn damn nice. there are 3 colour versions for this particular design. the second colour is green and colour. while the third one is black and another colour, forget whats the colour.

anyway melody just IM-ed me and told me that shes in Shanghai. sad. wonder when she would be coming back. i advised her to eat more instant noodles. and guess what? she said she would eat lots of cups of instant noodles. those spicy flavours. shes talking about the tom-yam flavour i supposed. told her not to eat too much spicy stuff for fear of being down with a bad tummyache. haha. then she replied saying that shes pretty careful with the type of food she eats over in shanghai cuz shes afraid of getting food poisoning. haha. what crap. lol. still food over in home ground is much much nicer. what with those hot steaming laksa, nasi lemak... drooling now.

then told her to take care and thats all. and oh yeah, melody reminded me that she cant tag over at shanghai cuz they ban blogs. what a pity. angsiang i can visualise your expression now. haha. dont be sad larr. JKJK. hope she comes back soon. i have only met her once. should have visited her more frequently when she was here.

` i want that PUMA watch $136!!!

had math classes today from 830-1000. after that headed to hougang mall for some breakfast at macdonalds. i ordered the big breakfast even though i have eaten breakfast early in the morning before i set off for school.

followed which headed to Sembawang where i purchased the High School Musical soundtrack. i love it so much!!!

headed back home. shower and all that stuff and here i am.

thats all for today. byes.

HMT paper today. sucks big-time. not the paper but my stupid, idiotic and simply brainless brain. i cant process anything. imagine getting only 1/4 of the questions in the paper correct. i got a C5 for the previous paper i expected to fair well in this term's paper. my target is at least a B3. but now i guess i wont even give a damn should i get a B4 or C5 or worse still C6. the paper was easy. the difficult part was my low IQ knowledge of chinese vocab and language. i understood fully the passage, what all the stuff and questions in the paper were asking for. but somehow, i just cant get the perfect, accurate, and 100% correct answer. i know i got it wrong cuz my HMT teacher had gone through the answers with us during the HMT period today. no matter what, i would still insist that the paper was easy but i could not answer the questions. if i were still in term2, i wouldnt mind getting C5 cuz i wasnt that INTERESTED then. since the start of the new school term, i paid extra attention in lessons, even made the extra effort to jot down notes but to no avail. i would be "demoted" to normal chinese classes should my current standard continues. basically during the whole HMT lesson today, i wasnt even bothered to pay any attention to what the teacher says. i was determined to be "heck-care". cuz i was already saddened, demoralised, and traumatised by the fact that my paper is gonna be a flunk. i'm afraid i wouldnt be able to secure even a B4. my hopes are not that high for HMT paper. just a B, low B to be exact, and i would be overjoyed. heh. i'm easily satisfied. i dont want to languish in the "C" group. cuz if i were to improve, the next aim should be at the very least a B4.

here are some questions i pondered during the HMT lesson. its a bit ridiculous and unreasonable, but it just came through my mind. and yes i even wrote down my feelings on the HMT textbook itself. so here goes:

-i dont give a fucking fly even if i'm a loser cuz i'll still end up losing everything.

-but no matter how much effort i put in, i still ended up being a loser of all losers.

-why study when others who dont revise can do as well? [this is ridiculous. i mean my thinking]

-why chinese?

-i know my chinese sucks.

-loser. like i care. but i actually do.

-it's not worth to stretch beyond my limits.

-it's not b'cuz i dont want, it's b'cuz i cant.

-in the end, i'm still an all-time loser.

-and yes, i lost everything.

-HMT is not for me. it would only make me look more like a loser.[this thought shouldnt have come across me. its a bastard thought. HMT is good for you. but not for me. so dont hold this kind of unhealthy perception. i dont want to influence you guys]

-i'm not a loser b'cuz i quit. i quit b'cuz i'm already a loser. [i like this line. it suits my personality]

enough about this HMT worries. i should focus on the upcoming papers ahead. anyway, i headed over to melissa's house with cheryl and amelia after school. there, we watched some TV, which does not at all interest me.

at around 3pm, headed down to the basketball court to play a bit of soccer and basketball of course. i played till i sweated real hard. and panted. i was really out of breath. but i persisted. i dont care. melissa, cheryl and amelia then proceeded to rollerblading. i carried on with my ball play. i kicked the ball. bounced it. and do the usual stuffies.

at the end of the day, one thought hit me: the ball is round. therefore it can rebounce. a rebounce would mean the ball has not been shot into the basket successfully. all i got to do is to pick up the ball and try, not by luck, but with skill. but i guess, you still needa bit of luck.

i tried to implant that kind of perception towards my HMT learning, or to put it, towards my learning, but it will still be of no use. people always say that thinking positively is the best way to success. but then its not that i always think negatively. its b'cuz i have thought POSITIVELY the WHOLE time. its no use. you try it. there is simply no use thinking positively. i always thought the negative way when i was young, but then i still faired well. not well but ok for my standard. haha.

but the ball is, afterall, ROUND. thats the fact. i mean you got to be realistic. so i have learnt to face the whole ordeal. i rely a bit on my "heck-care" attitude. heh.

thats all.

`i'm not a loser b'cuz i quit. i quit b'cuz i'm already a loser...

Gun-shot rain pelted across the street
Like millions of bullets fired at us
In the Light of Darkness
The cold and shivering night
Was 2 souls staggering away
Into an unknown world
Tantalising and Mesmerizing

We ran across the plain field
Free and Safe
From the outside world
That seemed to crash

And i will wash your pain away
In the Night of Twilight
When the owls cried
And i will shield you from
The many bullets fired
And take away those
Crystal-like tears
And i will sing you a song
Til' you drop
And i will give you my heart
Where all the troubles lie
An endless journey
With no entry.

And we'll both cry our hearts out
With no intent to stop going
Or make a run for it.
We embrace every hope and holes
For a better tomorrow.
With the outside world foggy and misty
We could only feel for ground.
Unaware of the dungeons and dangers
Beneath,
We could only move along.
And pour our sorrows to
Each another.
And forever we'll be,
Forever.

haha. i just woke up at 4.30pm and somehow or so, i feel the "inspiration" so without deferring, i thought it would be better if i just do a quick typing out of this unknown "song" composed by who else but me. =) this is the best piece i have ever written. its 100% authentic! no copyright. JKJK!! HAHA. till here then. see whether i have some inspiration some other time then.

heh. so the story has just ended even before it just begun. a few rapid flashing seconds can put an abrupt stop to anything. try it. go scold profanities at your teacher. and immediately you get a tight slap. and No, i did not shout profanities. i'm not so ....err what do they call that? forget it. anyway i guess it was a quirk of fate. i cant lay hands to anything.

anyway, english paper 1 and 2 had been cleared. monday's literature. and goddammit, we were not supposed to write more than 100 words for summary but i wrote an extra 16 more words. damn. 1 or 2 marks lost in the process, i guess. cuz 16words can make at least A point. let that be the past. i gotta paint my art piece later on. byes.