just completed my essay on "A Person I Admire". basically i cleared it in say, 1hr 20mins? the essay sure did the tricks. i suddenly feel "heavenly" after writing it. i feel soo....[the kind of satisfaction that you can only feel it yourself] maybe i exaggerated a bit. hahas. "heavenly" seems a word too STroNG? hahs, i'm using hyperbole. anyways on 29-07-06, i went to watch the National Day Parade Preview, which was yesterday. as my mum was an SAF officer, obtaining the tickets was not a problem. i cant wait to catch the 'LIVE' show on 9 August itself, the stadium would be packed with action and crowds. great. but the demand for the show on 9 August itself seem to be more than the ticket supply itself. even if i got the tickets on hand, i guess the most would only be 2? my mum says if theres not enough, i'll just have to give the tickets to my brother, who is going with his friend to watch, AGaIN. haha, never mind then, Preview itself was enough. =)

you know what?! i found someone who is even more "no life" than me! someone passing down my genes? anyway, i was flipping through The New Paper yesterday and there was this particular article that aroused my interest. let me get the facts right first: if you are a frequent traveller of the SBS transit bus you might have noticed that there is a contest entitled "Win a Cool Ride Home". all you have to do is to travel around in SBS buses and everytime you tap your EZ-link card, the vehicle system will note down the number of rides you board a day and you get whatever "points". those with most points, which means you have to be the one who travels the most on SBS buses within a certain period. you got to check your points on the SBS website, if i'm not wrong. and the winner gets to win an Ipod Nano. and there was this particular guy here, who is on his University vacation, term for Uni have not yet started, so he made use of this period, 2 weeks, to participate in the contest. it was stated that he took more than 2000 bus rides within two weeks. thats amazing. money was not a problem as he was on student concession. on rough estimation, he took about 160 plus rides a day. he said he thinks the time spent is "worthwhile" and said he has NO LIFE anyway. i wholeheartedly agreed. he simply has no life!!! this is so =.=''' and a fugging waste of time. but being him is great too, considering the great amount of time he has on his hands. if i were him, i would most definitely be the most fortunate person on Earth as i have so much time to while away!

i think i shall end here.

*as C.T is round the corner, i may not be blogging so often for the next 2 weeks or so. but i might tag.*

till here then. so long. and its gonna be LONGGGGGGGGggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg..........

=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)
XDXDXDXDXD

happy forever!!! =( ???

came back home at 8pm yesterday, friday. was goddamn fatigue and dropped in bed immediately after dinner, but not before checking my mail. nothing much happened. okay, actually there were quite a lot of happenings yesterday.

red cross farwell party- they wanted me to buy 2 bottles of coke so i agreed and set off. after passing them my purchase, which i gave it to them through the door i went off. they asked for me to go in. so i did, to my surprise too. but went out 5 minutes later or less than that just because one of the seniors, sec 4 girl sarcastically ticked off my friend. my particular friend's phone was low-bat, so she requested to borrow another friend's mobile which was in my bag. coincidentally at that time, we were taking a break so i led her into the red cross room and dug through my bag for the mobile. then that was when the commotion started. i was wondering all along why that senior was the ONLY one who shooed my friend off when the other members in the red cross didnt even care to give a damn. it's really not so big a deal, my friend isnt going to remain in the room forever. so why kicked up such a fuss.

anyways, let me quote her. heres what she barracked,"those who are not in red cross, please get out!"

she was indirectly referring to my friend. of course, my friend was not the least bit worried. she was pissed off. if that particular senior wanted to chase my friend off, she could have politely told her that. take for example if you were a customer in a retailer store, what if they told you with sarcasm,"patrons who are browsing through our stuff and doing window-shopping with no intention of buying, please get out of our store now!"

surely you wouldnt patronise the store again would you? upon hearing that, i took my own sweet time searching for the mobile in my bag. i handed over to my friend, flung my bag over me and ushered my friend out of the room. i went off too. at the point of time, i was boiling. yeah, thats why i stayed for practice for a mere 5 minutes. this is record. havent heard of someone who attended CCA but went off because of some stupid and minor conflicts that occurred due to some stupid reasons? if given a chance i would definitely reasonate with that senior. why is it that other CCAs in school more than welcome people to join in their practice and not red cross? i went to take a look at other CCA environments in our school and they welcomed us, with genuine smile on their faces.

so i loitered in school with my 2 other friends for a while. sat at one corner. about 50 minutes later we went to watch a soccer match between our school and zhenghua sec if i'm not wrong. our school won. woohoo. 1-0. great. when we first stepped onto the field, no seats were in sight. all were taken up. but some of the students willingly gave up their seats to accommodate me and the 2 friends of mine. wonderful. the students not us getting our seats. they were warm and caring. haha. headed to compass point later on to buy cake for my sis's birthday. then i'm home. yesterday's time spent in the afternoon is considered Wasted. damn those who spoilt my day when i started it with a very interesting beginning. byes. =)

i'm fighting back against my will. since the beginning of term 3, i realised i have been losing my concentration. the moment i open my book for revision, i cant help but lie in bed and fall asleep. what is worse is that i cant even take a short nap. i could only lie in bed reflecting over and over again why i cant seem to study for even a brief 30 minutes. i just flipped and skimmed through the science topics but i cant absorb anything at all. did some questions. though i get all correct, i wasnt satisfied. i know i did it through sheer "luck". give me one more day and i'm sure all that i had studied for is gone. i dont know why. i have been telling my aunt regarding this matter but there doesnt seem to have an end to this. i'm sick and tired of this. why do we have to study? sighs. still holiday-mood. closed my eyes and ruminate. i know i'm lagging, rotting, decomposing. but i dont care... i cant put a stop to this anymore. common test's next week and i cant afford to perform well below expectations. but i sense i will. i feel like drowning my sorrow in my sleep but i just cant. suffering from insomnia. haha. i have had enough of it.

'when the end comes you just cant start all over again.

did some last-minute rushing for the project work assignment on "pioneer of singapore". we dragged the whole thing from term 1 till now. surprisingly, we get everything done in 1 day. nothing much happened today. theres Physical Education tomorrow. must tuck in our shirt... in the so called "standard" tuck-in thing. haha. sighsigh.

things at red cross aint getting any better. not getting worse though. practice's on this friday. supposedly i skip? my brother has informed the sirs, who are his friends, about me not attending trainings. damn. how on earth do i make a comeback to red cross?

guess i shouldnt worry about the same thingy everyday. its so....what you call, LAME. =.='''. i should focus on something more important. like..... oh ya, tomorrow's science quiz. the quiz was defered due to some...complications that arose? got to stay back in school at 3.15pm.

'call me a retard...

today's the first day of the English Fortnight. haha. ask how our skit was. a FLOP. totally. they acted the wrong scene halfway. as today was the first day of the english fornight, i was to give an opening speech. went up to the stage and rattled off my lines. then halfway through, i forgot what i was supposed to say. shit, i thought. stuck here. the lines came back as quickly as i forgot them. thank god. i paused for some 5 seconds? nervous breakdown. i was fine when practising the speech. but when facing such a large crowd, there was definitely pressure. before dismissal, which is the last period, Afternoon assembly, ms fu informed me that she nominated me for some science thingy. got to stay back at 3.15pm tomorrow. school's out at 1pm. sighs, got to stay back... i WANT to go home!!! dying of boredom.... thats all.

tomorrow's the big day! HOORAY! our class's gonna staged a performance during the morning assembly. i cant wait. so before our play, i would have to introduce the theme of the English Fortnight and so on. *heart pounds* then our skit starts. -claps-

nothing much to blog about these days. completed the math assignment. but the higher mother tongue one has yet to be touched on. thank god theres no mother tongue class tomorrow. after tomorrow, we gonna start "proper" lessons. been "slacking" these few weeks. basically because our class was busy preparing for the skit and props for the rehearsal and so on. what makes me crack my brain is that there wasnt even a full-dress rehearsal for the skit. but i suppose all the necessities will be prepared by tomorrow morning. teacher reminded us to report to school by 0645 tomorrow. i usually arrived at school around 0630 so thats not quite a problem for me. erm, i think. i might be late for one reason or another. back to the "slacking" topic. yeah, all the behind-the-scene people ARE slacking. including me. theres nothing for us to pick a bone at. nearly everyday during english lessons for the past three weeks were the same scenario. us, the stage managers, props people, and those "extras", gathered at the back of the class for some laughs and crapping about. english lessons were reserved for the practices. we cant do that now that the skit thing is over. sighsigh. 2 more weeks to common test. shit. this has been a disasterous term. guess i stop here then.

wish me or our class luck for tomorrow! =)

-why, what, how-
'its been two weeks
'its been nearly 2 months

went for Math Trail yesterday. nothing much. we won the consolation prize. damn. another group of pupils from our school "stole" our position! they earned 14 ponits in all. so did we. and we were way faster than them. when we consulted the judges, they said the winner was decided from how well we have done our LAST 2 QUESTIONS!!! NOT TIME. goddammit.

we returned to school around 6pm. so i loitered in and out. and suddenly saw wee chong and marven heading to school to. then one event led to another and eventually we were being "counselled" by ms lo for not attending CCA. weechong was the one who bade boodbye to ms lo, so she would notice him. she thought it strange that weechong did not attend NPCC. ms lo was the teacher in charge. so she probed him for more. then i also admitted that i dont attend redcross practice. she talked me out of it. said it is important for me to go back. i told her i would feel kinda "out" if i were to go back after so many months. she then said,"maychin, is it more important to go back to red cross or you let your pride overcome you?"

i was speechless. numb. i did not say a thing. what was i supposed to say? my heart aches at that moment. it still does now. i could feel myself crying "inside". why. i still cant pick up the pieces and go back to red cross. i want to go back. but something told me not to. something, which i am not sure of its identity. then after i calm myself down i fired out ms lo,"i'm sure if you were me, you wouldnt have the courage to go back. dont you?"

"why?" she asked. now i was really really speechless. she won by all means. i dont want to make a surprise return. i feel like dying. teachers tried their best to talk me back into going to redcross. but i just wont heed their advice.

yesterday geography lesson was the worst. we told the teacher her way of teaching was lousy. she argued. i dont care. she denied. so we had no choice. she said it was our attitude. we dont feel like reading the text from the slides. it wasnt. it was because there were too much text. if she feels that it was our attitude towards learnng that was wrong, let it be. i dont give a damn now. really, let it be. so what if the teacher hates me? or hates my few friends who were involved in the arguing? SERIOUSLY, i dont care. the damage is already done. what do you expect me to do? i have got something more important to worry than this. i mean this is important but its importance dont stretch to the limits. if she was in anyway hurt by our remarks, then i apologise. i know that by doing this our reputations were at stake but it was on the spur-of-the-moment. my brother told me i was created lots of troubles for him. teachers and friends questioned him regarding my abstinence for redcross practice. and now this arguing matter with teacher. kill me but i can still say i dont care. my lifes falling apart anyways. my brother said i was becoming more and more like my sis. said i dont have any mannerism for teachers. blame me all he can. i know i know, i was the one who stirred up all these troubles for him. anyway, it doesnt really affect him. i lead my life, he leads his. he dont really need to care so much for me. yes, its heartwarming to hear of someone who still cares for you when your world's falling apart but then it's not for me. i have inflicted lots of "harm" to others. i always do things on impulse. i tried changing but to no avail. CCA and teachers and stuffs are really taking my life away. let me breathe for just a second. he told me lots of teachers know about me not attending CCA. i guess he told his former friend about it. then it sort of leaked out to teachers.

'my life is in a mess.
'call me a retard.

sighs. so they want me BACK in RED CROSS. goddammit. back to past's horrendous memories. fine with me then. i can do with anything except dance. thats a sure no-no for me. no doubts. thank god i'll be participating in the "Math Trail" at Peihwa Secondary tomorrow. that means an excuse for me to skip red cross practice. it definitely feels kinda awkward to go back when i have long forgotten that i was once a red cross cadet. the teacher picked me out during assembly this morning and brought me to meet the HOD-in-charge of CCA, PE, aesthetics. he sputtered SHIT. said he dont recall approving my request to switch to BAND. hes an old hag, LIAR. my friends were with me when he agreed to help me with the transfer. they could be my witness. but i guess it was of no use. he wont listen to even a bit of my story, he wont give up and it resulted in me giving in. i agreed to go back. these recent events are just part and parcel of my daily life. "part and parcel", i suppose i had written the wrong spelling. i cant seem to remember the phrase. they are taking a toll on me. sighsighsigh. then he asked me to move away while he whispered to the red cross teacher-in-charge. i stood about say, 0.5 metres away from them. thats roughly 50cm. quite a distance. then he turned rude. "move further away", he yelled. wtf. he muttered something with the teacher. naturally, one would have turned pissed with HIS ATTITUDE. he was clearly not respecting me. if he wants me to respect him, which was exactly what i did, he should respect us, students. so i accede to his request and this time, i move really FURTHER away. he and the teacher in charge couldnt find even a trace of me. but i made my appearance and guess what they told me?

this is the interesting part. open your ears, or to put it, your eyes. he said," i think you're going to be a leader. we will promote you."

as if i would fall for his trick. i dont care about promotion. what was taking more priority then was that he didnt keep his words. he promised to allow me to transfer now hes saying another frivolous thing. what talking him?? he bogus??? i dont want promotion. i want something that i will enjoy, one thats gonna be my passion. that i will contribute to willingly. i wont buy his treacherous offer. hes LURING me back. its not an appropriate thing or rather ethical thing to do. hes a teacher, he should inculcate the right values in students.

i know i sounded harsh. but then he should know his limits as a teacher.

but for the moment, i gonna heed his advice and not say a word about anything. if he wants me to go back, fine with me. after all, hes still the teacher and he calls the final shots.

thats all. BYES...

`sad.

i realised one thing just a while ago. i DETEST music as much as i DESPISE..... whatever! fingerings are just goddamn difficult to memorise.

i'm vanishing sooner or later.

i dont wanna LIVE!!!

CLARINET SUCKER! i just SUCK at it!!!

*DISGRUNTLED GROAN*

had band practice yesterday. frankly saying, my heart was not with the practice in the first half of the day so i requested to go outside and learn on my own. at 4.15pm, every members kept their instruments away and headed to the second floor for footdrill practice. it was quite fun. thats the one part that i love most! the drills we did include those that needed us to hold up our instrument, the correct way to handle it while marching and all that kind of stuffies! at about 5, we were asked to fall out and assembled in the band room to fall in again and thats all for thae day's practice. phew. i was dead tired. after reaching home, i bathed, ate dinner, checked mail, listened to a bit of music then went into a deep, sound sleep. woke up at arounf 11.50pm, again checked mail and phone for new messages and dozed off to dreamland again. so after that i woke up and here i am. havent yet brushed my teeth. HAHA. =) do that LATER!

yesterday during mdm fauziah's lesson she kept nagging at us for our performance in the rehearsal of the drama. said we were incooperative and all that kind of things you would expect us to think its "touching". she then gave us two options. to either opt out for the whole programme and let the other class staged it out or to continue, if thats the case, she wants us to remember all the lines by Monday and act it out without the director or stage managers' help. thank goodness i'm not an actor. nor actress though. i told athirah,"why dont we toss a coin and decide whether to go ahead with the plan?" she agreed so toss i did. answer was a YEs. actually, i dont give a damn about whether the production is a success or a flop. or i dont even care about whether we SHOULD continue or not. it depends on the teacher and HODs. if they feel like it, then we will willingly participate and dont feel a grudge towards it. but if they dont want us to perform, then lets get back to normal classes and not waste our fugging time having to prepare all the props, remember all the lines and whatsoever hectic stuff. aint that better? but if we see our performance a success on the stage, it would definitely be one glorious moment. thats all i have got to say for this topic.

-why, what, how-
|the questions bugging me for the time being|
it has been a week.
it has been ALMOST A MONTH.
i dont know.
tell me why.
tell me what.
and tell me how.

still its `foUrTEen!#14
and my tWentySix!#26

the first hallos. the last goodbyes. i can hear myself pitying them in one corner. today's mr leow's last day in our school. still recalled asking him to treat us to Milos during his first week in the school. which is just the fourth day of term3. time flies. it really does. he willingly agreed and bought 7 packets including 1 for himself. it's an immense loss to the school for losing such a great teacher like him. heart aches. haha[flat tone]. theres nothing we can stop this from happening. i really wish that he comes back in the time to come. maybe when we in sec 2 or 3? maybe. maybe. everything's just a maybe.

i dont wanna pull a long face to this anymore. its time to get on with life and do everything that i am supposed to accomplish.

i'm dozing off to sweet dreams soon. *slaps myself. hey, got to do my HMT essay. thats all for the time being.

i hate/love today... and i wonder how and i wonder why.

show me the meaning of being lonely.

the phenomenon's back! the Fifa Fever. thunderous Applause! WOoHoO! Yeaps. i have confidence in Italy but i hope France wins. for no particular reason though. France seems like a nice and hospitable country to me. I love French language thats why i'm rooting for France! Italy sounds somewhat a Roman type of country to me. heck, what'm i talking? i would be so "lost" if i would to be in a Roman country. early last month, my choice of countries expected to enter the finals would be Brazil, no doubts, Germany, Spain, or maybe England. But i know England's never ever gonna make it.

i have been wondering for quite a long period of time over whether i should catch the finals on Monday 2am. its a bit too early. there's lessons tomorrow. so i'm kinda not keen in watching it anyways. maybe just read the papers on who the winner is. gotta do work now. till here then.

cleared my HMT homework just a few minutes ago. dont really have to crack my brain that hard. except for one or two inferential questions. not bragging. haha. when my brother gets home later in the day, i'll ask for his opinion on my answer and see whether his answer contrasts with mine. just taking some precaution.

wilber pan has just released a new album at the end of june. i have been considering for quite some time over whether to buy his album. well, i've heard one or two of his latest songs. some are nice while others just suck to high heaven. his singing's getting from bad to worse and very soon, i guess, will be rotten. its like not worth that portion of my money if i only buy his album for his "looks". hes cute. i know that. but i dont wanna waste my money. but theres a 99.99% chance that i would make the purchase over the weekends.

today's a bad day... how do i put it? i dont know.

haha. so i went jogging with cheryl today at punggol park or you can say we ran the road run route. sweat like hell. we were supposed to meet up at 7am at the bus-stop nearby but alas i only set off around 7.05am. i have absolutely no doubts that cheryl would turn up later than me. and true to my words, she appeared at 7.39am. i wonder how many times i have yawned actually? while running, cheryl kept saying,"maychin, stop at the bench!"

after a short while, she started having this checkpoint thing. everytime she sees a traffic light or bench, she will run like a mad cow and dashed forward and take a rest... said she dont wanna run with me anymore. she kept complaining that i was torturing her and "kidnapping" her. LOL. then ran past our school and headed to 7-eleven and again bought a 1.5litre mineral water and egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast. yummy. finally, the spread of delicious foody before my hungry stomach. after satisfying myself, we chatted for a while then got into a provision store to purchase some sweets. strolled to the bus-stop opposite punggol primary. boarded 325 then i'm home!!!

wear out. talk about it some day.

alifah and athirah told me that red cross practice yesterday was fun. but i doubt it. all they did was some community singing and footdrill. what kind of fun is that classified under? i wonder. slacker's perception of fun? sorry, but i dont mean to insult my CCA that way. i told my CCA members that i feel the urge to go back but i dont dare to. which is actually the truth. its either red cross or chinese orchestra now. but i think i'm not the performing arts typo. nor am i the slacker's uniform group typo. so how now? its better having no CCA, i guess. going back to red cross would be so meangingless now. since i have intentions to miss the trainings, which i actually did, then i should fight for my so-called "human rights". haha. its such a shame to go back when you actually failed to do so in the first place. i wont want all the people persuading me to go back, its like so "in the limelight". i dont wanna attract attention so the best solution is the change CCA, or to a greater extent change school. haha. which is definitely in my dreams! chinese orchestra is pretty challenging and tedious which is equal to TOUGH. basically in music, it tests your patience, your ability to understand instructions, and determination and perserverance. just the exact criteria of a CCA i aspire to join. HA! my charity draw tickets are still with me. goddammit. i dont want to have any links or connections with my school's red cross anymore. its such a waste to leave red cross, but i'm drained with no choice.... lennard said he wanna go jogging with me today in the afternoon but hes backing out now. what the..... so till here and so long!